The Surreal World, FMA Style
by Rianale
Summary: What happenes when the cast of FMA is broadcasted on the Surreal World with two FF's authoress hosting the show? Pure chaos. Please read!
1. Swarm of the idiot authors

**(This lovely little fic is a little different from my other ones. I hath featured Hollaback Girl, and excellent friend and writer, and N0ob Assassin, a very excellent n0ob assassin, reviwer, and friend. And myself, but you guys already knew THAT. Many other authors shall be featured, with your permisson of course (if your chosen,) so thanks for reading!)

* * *

**

**Hollaback Girl:**

Cue lights, cue music, cueRubber and N0ob, cue Sins.

We're on in five, four, three, two, on-What? **–whispering-**

What do you mean, there's only six Sins in the studio? **-whispering-**

One of them left? For what? **-whispering-**

A DUELUX CHEESEBURGER?

* * *

**Rubberninja:** Welcome to the newest edition of the Surreal World, being illegally recorded right into your own home! 

**N0ob Assassin: **What _is_ the Surreal World anyway?

**Rubber: -Still smiling-** Remember that discussion with the nice public broadcasting lady about how this is the only show we could fit in?

**N0ob: **Yeah, I remember that. Hey wanna see my emotional scars?

**Rubber: -In perky voice- **No! Anyways, this is my less intelligent, half related co-host, N0ob Assassin!

**N0ob: **Intellect must run through the family, Rubberninja. Anyways, I love my Chibi Ed.

**Rubber: **He doesn't belong to you remember?

**N0ob: **I'm sure Envy couldn't say any less about you.

**Rubber: -mutters through smiling teeth- **Bitch.

**N0ob: -mutter through smiling teeth- **Slut.

**Rubber: -cough- **Anyways, for the first time on national television, please welcome the Seven Deadly Sins!

**Six Sins: -All walk, or more so pushed, in by security guards-**

**Person in the crowd: **Hey, I see only Six Sins!

**Rubber: -whispers to N0ob and Sins- **What the hell? There's only Six Deadly Sins? That sounds so gay! Who the hell is missing?

**Envy: **Would you rather it be the Five Deadly Sins?

**Rubber: -shudders- **Oh, those odd numbers…

**Lust: **I believe we lost Greed.

**N0ob: **Great, I'll bring in Ed!

**Sins and Rubber: **NO!

**N0ob: -pouts-**

**Rubber: **Uh, well it seems we lost our pointy tooth friend here for a moment, but fear not, for uh, Envy here will be Greed!

**Five Sins and N0ob: **He will?

**Crowd: **He can?

**Envy: **I'll what?

**Rubber: **You are.

**Envy: **And if I don't?

**Rubber: **Then I'll be forced to show these pictures of you at the Flower and Gardening section of Wal-Mart on national television.

**Envy: **IT ATE THE FERTILIZER! THE WHOLE FIRTILIZER! Those pots…so cold…so deep…**-nervous breakdown-**

**N0ob: **While they settle it out, let's go to our first guest, Lust!

**Crowd: -cheers-**

**Person in the crowd: **If I paid you, would you dump Scar for me?

**Lust: -extends nails, and chops person's head off-**

**Everyone: -silence-**

**N0ob: -cough- **Um, so Lust, what _is _going on between you and Scar,

**Lust: -extends nails, and chops through desk-**

**N0ob: -blinks and gives fake smile- **Okay, maybe later…So, how about you, Sloth? How is uh…**-watches as Gluttony devours broken desk-**

**N0ob: -Sigh- **So, I here you look exactly like my Chibi's mother. Is that so?

**Wrath: -growls- **NO! SHES MY MOMMY!** –latches onto Sloth-**

**N0ob: **Does that ever get annoying?

**Sloth: **Yes, very annoying.

**Wrath: -starts tearing- **You mean mommy doesn't like me?

**Sloth: **Uh, no it's not like that at all! Uh, it's just that mommy needs some…alone time somedays, and-

**Wrath: **Oh, right! So you can have nap time with Greed? Like Envy said?

**Sloth: -glares at Envy-**

**Envy: **Uh yeah, um, about that…

**Sloth: -turns into gel-like substance.-**

**Rubber: **You know, this would be a great time for a commercial! **–ducks as gel starts flying- **We'll be right back!

**---Commercial---**

**SLURM. DRINK IT YOU FOOL.**

**---End Commercial---**


	2. Fight

**(So we have a new author here today in this chappie. Well, he's not really an author, but he's a great friend. I'm using his penname on another account, but he will eventualy get his ass over here in FF.nert.)

* * *

**

**N0ob Assassin: **Hello, and welcome back!

**Pride: **They went somewhere?

**N0ob: -sigh-**

**Rubberninja: **Anyways, we're here now with our next guest, Greed!

**Envy: -walks out as Greed- **Do I seriously have to do this?

**Crowd: -silence-**

**Rubber: **Oh, come on people! Use your imagination **-sparkely rainbow poofs overhead-**

**Person in crowd: **That's not Greed! That's Envy!

**Rubber: **Uh, no that's uh, Greed alright…

**Person: **No he's not! The really real Greed would be surround by hookers and sluts!

**Rubber: **Aren't they the same thing?

**N0ob: **Nah, you're a slut, while hookers are much more cleaner than you.

**Rubber: -narrows eyes and her face appears on half the screen and N0ob's face on the other half.-**

**Big Ghetto Voice:** Rubber Vs. **N0ob**!

**Missy:** Uh, and you would be?

**Big Ghetto Voice:** Um…I am…God.

**Rubber: **-.-; God eh?

**Big Ghetto Voice:** Yes! I am God! Feel my awesome light! **–Stage lights begin to flicker on and off.-**

**N0ob:** Floop, get out of the control room.

**Floop:** Aw man.

**Wrath:** And God shone is light upon the stage and the crowd, as the bible prophesied! God has come to redeem us all! To wash away the evil and-** -Envy tugs a sack over his face-**

**Sloth:** Uh, yeah, I accidentally let him read the bible…

**Everyone:** Don't do it again.

**Wrath:** You can't deny his love Envy! Gods light will shine through!

**Everyone: **WRATH SHUT IT!

**Wrath: -squeaky voice-** Yeah, okay.

**N0ob: **Now I believe we were in the middle of a duel?

**Rubber:** Yes, yes we were. **–Presses button and stage turns all the way over and transforms into a wrestling cage.-**

**N0ob:** Floop, play some music that you can kick ass to.

**Floop: -plays Girl Fight-**

**Everyone: -Covers ears screaming-**

**Lust: -extends nail and destroyed the DJ booth, as well as the DJ-**

**Everyone: -cheers-**

**-Fight Begins-**

**N0ob: -pulls out AK47 out of back pocket, fires-**

**Rubber: -doges them in slow motion, Matrix Style. Runs up cage wall, then jumps off, kicking N0ob-**

**N0ob: -Falls over. Pulls out black shirt, and pulls it on-**

**Rubber: -about to attack, but then reads shirt-**

I'm a ninja. You can't see me.

**Rubber:** She's right you know.

**Lust:** But she's right there.

**Rubber:** No, no…look a little to the left. Its sorta blurry.

**Lust:** Oh, your right…

**Rubber:** Well I know the one thing no one can resist! **–pulls out Ninja Snacks- **

**N0ob: -against her own free will, her hands pull her toward the Snacks, sorta like the force. Starts eating them like a dog-**

**Pride:** I bet you I could resist them.

**Rubber:** Bet you you couldn't!

**Envy: -walks in front of them-** Okay, okay. According to the rules of Arguments and Betting, there must be a sufficient supply of cash laid out. So, cough it up.

**Pride:** I'll bet you 1000 pounds.

**Envy:** We're not in England.

**Pride:** Shut up, it's all I have on me.

**Rubber:** Okay then…I bet 2000 Franks, and…Floop! –drags Floop over-

**Envy:** Okay then, the bets are set. Now, Pride, eat the stuff.

**Pride: -eats the Ninja Snacks-**

**Everyone: -waits. 30 minuets later, no begging for more-**

**Rubber:** Damn it. Fine here…**-throws Floop to him, and calls to someone in the back of the stage. Beeping noises as a large truck carries 2000 hot dogs to the front stage-**

**Pride:** You're giving my _hot dogs_?

**Rubber:** What do you think a Frank is?

**Pride:** Oh boy…

**---Commercial---**

**Gheico. 15 minuets a day could save you money on your car insurance, FOR WE ARE NOT ROBOTS OF THE GOVERNMENT TRYING TO TRACK YOU WHEREVER YOU GO!**

**---End Commercial---

* * *

****-outside the studio-**

**Rubber: **Floop you idiot, I though you said the snacks where filled with...that sutff...**-look around-**

**Floop:** They were! Maybe its a homunculu thing...

**Rubber:** In any case, you owe me 2000 hotdogs, and your soul.

* * *

**-in the boys bathroom-**

**Pride: Must...have...more...**


	3. WHERE THE HELL IS GREED?

**Hollaback: -still looking for Greed. Enters strip bar, and walks up to bouncer.-** Hey I'm looking for a guy, brown hair, black shades, about this high, horrible fashion sense and he is noramly surrounded by girls.

**Bouncer:** Does this guy have sharp teeth?

**Hollaback: **Yes, like a saber.

**Bouncer:** Yeah, I saw him. But if you want to know where, you'll have to do something…

**Hollaback:** **-kicks him in the love below-**

**Bouncer:** Not like that! **–has wind knocked out of him-** I mean your going to have to pay.

**Hollaback** Oh. **–kicks him again-**

**Bouncer:** What was that for?

**Hollaback:** I dunno, I wanted to do it again. Anyways, how much?

**Bouncer:** 100 Pounds.

**Hollaback:**What the hell is with all this Brit shit?

**Bouncer:** England is so in. You really need to read Teen Magazine sometime.

**Hollaback**: I'm sure _you_ do. Anyways here…**-hand him the money-**

**Bouncer**: Thanks. Okay, he went that way.

**Hollaback:** **-runs off-**


	4. A or 2?

**Rubberninja:** Okay, so uh, Greed suddenly…left.

**Person in crowd:** But he was never here!

**Rubber:** Yes he was. **–sweat drop-**

**Person:** No he wasn't.

**Rubber:** He was here, just like this semi automatic is.

**Person: -shuts up-**

**Rubber: -smiles-** Anyways, so onto our next guest, Envy.

**-silence-**

**N0ob Assassin: -cough-** ENVY.

**Rubber:** ENVY GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!

**Greed: -runs out-** What up?

**N0ob: -confused-** Uh, when did Greed get here?

**Rubber: -jabs her with elbow, mutters through teeth-** He's been here all along remember?

**N0ob:** Oh, heh, I see where your coming at with this. Greed has wink, wink, been here all along, oh okay.

**Rubber: -.-;** Anyways, so…'Greed'…how has…life been treating you? **–raises eyebrows-**

**Greed:** Oh good, can't complain…

**Rubber:** Okay that's good. So what about-

**Greed:** Except for last night. Lust, I'm sorry, but this just aint going to work out.

**Everyone: -shocked-**

**Rubber: -laughing her head off-**

**Lust: -face is blood red, but so infuriated, she can't do anything-**

**Greed:** It could have, but Sloth works it much better than you.

**Everyone:** Uh…**-grossed out-**

**Rubber: -laughing, face turning red, and holding sides-**

**Greed: **And Pride, dude, I'm sorry, but I'm not like…that.

**Everyone:** WHAT?

**Rubber: -laughing, but now choking, and falls to the ground-**

**Wrath:** I'm confused…

**Greed:** Don't worry; I'll explain it all to you later.

**Sloth: -opens mouth to protest, but interrupted by Rubber's laughing-**

**Rubber:** Ha! Hold, on I'm not done!

**-silence-**

**Sloth:** Are you-

**Rubber:** Wait! I'm taking it in!

**-silence-**

**Sloth: **Are-

**Rubber:** Hold it…yeah, yeah I'm good.

**Sloth: -about to speak-**

**Rubber: -laughs. Laughing becomes less and less as Sloth glares**- Yeah…**-cough-** I'm good.

**Sloth:** You are not exposing him to…this stuff.

**Greed:** What? The kids old enough! Wrath, how old are you?

**Wrath:** Like ten?

**Greed:** Ten? What the hell has Sloth been teaching you? The bible?

**Sloth: -blushes and looks down-**

**Greed:** Hell, I knew this shit when I was like five.

**Wrath:** But your older than that.

**Greed:** Here's five bucks, don't ever mention that again…**-looks around-**

**N0ob:** So…um…Greed…this is-

**Hollaback Girl: -runs to front stage-** Hey guys! I found Greed!

**N0ob:** Yeah, he's right here.

**Hollaback:** That can't be Greed.

**Rubber:** Why not?

**Hollaback:** 'Cause Greed's right here. **–points behind her-**

**Greed: -waves-**

**Pride:** OH GOD, ITS THOES DAMN CLONING ALCHEMISTS AGAIN!

**Everyone: -stares-**

**Pride:** O-or it could be an imposter…heh…

**N0ob:** Hm…in this event, we must use the most scientifical way to prove who the real Greed is…**-drags Greed already on the stage to the very front. Drags other Greed over-**

**N0ob**: Okay, this is Greed A, and this is Greed 2.

**Lust:** Don't you mean b?

**N0ob:** I am not good at math.

**Lust: **But this is dealing with the alphabet.

**N0ob: **Well its all stuff I never learned, so its all the same. Anyways, if you think Greed A is the real Greed, press 1 on your number box. If you think Greed 2 is the real Greed, press 2 on your number box.

**Crowd: -votes-**

**Person in crowd: -presses 1-**

**Robotic voice:** Thank for voting! You have chosen number 2.

**Person:** No! I picked 1!

**Robotic voice:** I'm more than positive you picked two.

**Rubber:** Okay, lets see the results…

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**(So ends chapter four! Will update later to see who gets chosen….Mwhaha!)**


	5. Wanta Panda?

**(Yes, tis short, but we do have an new authoress that shall join ze fic! She'll be in there a lot more. Anyways, again, sorry its short.)**

**Rubberninja:** And the…not fake Greed is-B!

**Everyone:** You mean two.

**Rubber:** Whatever.

**N0ob Assassin:** Okay, Envy, funny, but its getting old. You can change back now.

**Poser Greed: -stays silent-**

**Rubber:** Seriously, you almost killed me laughing, but jokes over.

**Poser Greed: -stays silent-**

**Hollaback Girl:** By the power invested in these studio ownership papers, I commanded you to change back to your God damned self!

**Envy:** Whats up? **–walks in from back of stage-**

**N0ob: **What? So now theres two Envy's? ARG! MY BRAIN HURTS AND I'M NOT VOTING AGAIN!

**Sloth: -hits N0ob-**

**Rubber:** Okay, ready to vote again?

**Crowd:** NO!

**Rubber: **Well…you people suck!

**Greed:** Well, if this is the case, then lets see who my not nearly as sexy as me look-alike really is.

**Poser Greed: -silent-**

**Wrath: -notices string and yanks off mask-**

**Rubber:** MOM?

**Wrath: -notices another string and yanks off mask-**

**N0ob:** Harry Potter is Rubber's Mom's boyfriend?

**Wrath: -yanks off another mask-**

**N0ob:** Ronald McDonald is Harry Potter and Ms.Ninja's son?

**Wrath: -yanks off mask AGAIN-**

**N0ob: **MY BRAIN IS ITCHY! So Ronald McDonald is married to Spongebob?

**Salima Li akiyama: -removes last mask-** Oh for Christ's sake, shut up.

**Rubber:** And you would be?

**Salima Li akiyama:** Salima Li akiyama from fan fiction!

**Rubber:** Ha! I knewit!** –whisperes to Greed-** You know her?

**Greed: -shrugs-**

**N0ob: **So why did you make my brain fry?

**Envy:** More importantly why the hell did you take my job?

**Salima:** 'Cause my Edo told me to.** –points to back stage-**

**Ed:** No you idiot!

**N0ob:** WHAT? EDO?

**Ed:** Ah shit. **–gets tackled-**

**N0ob:** Oh, I knew you couldn't possibly go on your quest like thing without me!

**Lust: **Hey, it's the Fullmetal Pipsqueak.

**Envy:** Shrimp.

**Wrath:** Shorty.

**Greed:** Midget.

**Sloth:** Bean.

**Pride:** Bug.

**Gluttony: -munch-**

**Hollaback: **So everyone here potentially hates Ed?

**Salima and N0ob: **NO! DIE! **–both pull out chainsaws that say, 'Short Sexyness Shall Rule'-**

**N0ob:** You shop at Sexy Short Midgets?

**Salima:** What other store is there?

**Salima and N0ob: -chase the Sins around with chainsaws-**

**Rubber:** FLOOP! Cut to a comerical!

**Floop:** Okay!

**---Commercial---**

**Floop: -walks onto white screen- **Is this thing on? Ow.** –gets it with hanging mic-**

**Floop: -clears throat** **in deep announcer voice-** In a world where crazed girls in revealing tops, miniskirts and have perky aditudes, there is only one thing anyone can do…

Wanta Panda? Don't you wanta? Wanta Panda? Don't you wanta?

You look hot in all the plaster! Shave that Panda! Faster faster!

Fake mink coats are so hot and fury! You need a Panda in a hurry!

Wanta Panda? Don't you wanta? Wanta Panda? Don't you wanta?

**---End Commercial---**


	6. The Fic Actually Has A Point

**(Huzzah for new authoress! Oh and I guess huazzah for a point to this fic, since I hate pointless fics.)**

**Rubberninja: **Hello again! Welcome back!** –sips Panda-**

**N0ob Assassin:** This time, we're back with a little something different...

**Rubber: **Yup that's right.

**N0ob: **We have a surprise guest. Please welcome Salima Li akiyama.

**Person in Crowd:** Hey where are all the Sins?

**Rubber:** Getting plastic surgery. Thanks to two crazed…fanatics, they will be here shortly.

**Salima and N0ob:** Whatever.

**Rubber:** Anyways, in the mean time, we have decided to view some old clips of the series with the two boys that made it all, Edward and Alphonse Elric.

**Crowd: -Cheers-**

**Salima:** Roll it Floop.

**Floop: -starts the third episode-**

**N0ob:** We're starting it here, 'cause Rose was an idiot.

**Ed and Al:** Was not.

**N0ob: -chainsaw hum-**

_Plays until the vegetable scene._

**Rubber:** So what the hell is wrong with you guys? You like vegetables?

**Ed:** No, not really, but mom told me to get them so-

**Rubber:** Huh-uh, sure you don't like squash.

**Ed:** I didn't! I mean, I don't!

**Rubber:** So what about you Al?

**Al:** I don't really remember. I guess I did somewhat like squash. But broccoli was really nasty.

**N0ob: **And I hate the way it sounds! It sounds like some kind of diseases.

**Salima:** Hey, did you guy's mother die of the Broccoli Diseases?

**Ed and Al: -.-** No.

_Plays until the burial scene. _

**Rubber:** So what, you guys stayed there until night?

**Ed:** Yeah, so?

**Rubber:** Well, damn you could of caught whatever she died of if you stay around a dead body long enough!

**Ed:** She was six feet under!

**N0ob:** Actually, I read they only buried her five.

**Ed:** Whatever, you can't catch a disease like that.

**Rubber:** Oh no? When I was six I used to play in the cemetery around the graves and I caught Polio.

**Al: **Isn't that genetic?

**Rubber:** No, not like height…**-cough-**

**Ed: -glares-** Well that's just being stupid. Besides, if you have polio why aren't you in a hospital?

**Rubber:** Because its not contagious.

**Ed:** Yet you caught it from a dead person.

**Rubber:** …. Shut it.

**Salima:** There's Rubber being stupid for you…

_Plays to the part where they start screaming._

**Salima:** I'm hearing a girl in there.

**Ed:** There was no girl.

**Salima:** So was that you sounding like a girl?

**Ed:** No! Al just didn't hit puberty yet.

**N0ob:** Will he ever?** –everyone turns to Alphonse-**

**Al:** What?

**Rubber:** Do you ever get those strange desires to-

**Ed:** Okay, that's enough!

**Rubber:** Well he's got to learn sometime.

**Ed:** Well when he gets his body back we'll call Greed.

**N0ob:** Is that _ever_ going to happen? I mean you spent 51 damn episodes screwing around looking for that stone, yet all you ever find are those gay fake ones.

**Ed:** Well blame Lust and all of them!

**Salima:** Maybe your not looking hard enough…

**Ed:** You wanna try?

**Salima:** Alright I will!

**N0ob and Rubber:** Uh, dude…

**Ed: **If you can findthe Stonein less than 51 episodes, you can actually 'own' me once I get my body back. But if you don't…then you don't. You got nothing I want.

**Salima: -smack-** Deal!

**N0ob and Rubber:** NOOO!

**Salima:** What?

**Rubber:** We're under contract!

**Salima:** So?

**Rubber:** So, that means whatever we promise to the audience _must_ be broadcasted.

**Salima:** Shit…

**N0ob:** Ha, your telling her that! You'll never guess what kind ofcrap I just pulled you in Rubber!

**Rubber: **What?

**N0ob:** Your on the same deal but with all those homunculi!

**Rubber:** GOD DAMN-Wait, what happens if I do find it?

**N0ob:** You get the rights to your palm tree.

**Rubber:** YES!

**Hollaback Girl:** Okay, okay STOP.

**Everyone:** What?

**Hollaback:** We need one more person helping the military out.

**Ed and Al:** Why?

**Hollaback:** Because you guys suck at helping the military, the Sins already have enough help, and me and Floop are to busy helping out with fliming this gig.

**Salima:** What about N0ob?

**N0ob: **I'm too busy having the swat team ready so you guys don't kill each other.

**Hollaback:** So who's going to-

**Lupa-Goddess of Pain:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE FREEZE! **–holds out gun-**

**Rubber:** Lupa? Uh, that whole thing with the guy in pink, I never told him your phone number!

**Lupa:** What?

**Rubber:** Nothing.

**Lupa:** Where is my Spark Mister?

**Everyone:** Who?

**Lupa:** Sparky.

**Everyone:** Wha?

**Lupa: THE FRIGGEN FLAME ALCHEMIST YOU RETARDS!**

**Person in crowd:** Okay, still not ringing a bell…

**Lupa: -shoots-**

**Person: -Final freaking dies-**

**Lupa:** Everyone knows of whom I speak?

**Everyone: -nods-**

**PyroDea:** WHERE IS EDWARD?

**Ed:** Wha? Not you again!

**Hollaback:** HOW THE HELL IS EVERYONE GETTING INTO THE STUDIO?

**Pyro: **This dude with brown and blackhair gave me a VIP pass.

**Hollaback:** Floop, I'm going to...

**Pyro:** Anyways,I want you to take me to your little girlfriend 'cause she owes me a damn auto-mail job!

**Ed:** But you don't have any severed limbs.

**Pyro:** Doesn't mean I can't get 'em.

**Ed:** Uh, can someone make sure she doesn't go around sharp objects?

**N0ob: -calls on radio-** I need backup immediately! Code blue!

**Swat team: -runs off with Pyro-**

**Pyro:** I'LL GET YOU BACK YOU MOTHERFREAKER!

**Everyone: -stares-**

**Lupa:** WILL SOMEONE ANSWER ME?

**Rubber:** Yes, yes! He's in the back, in the uh, kitchen. In the freezer.

**Lupa: -runs off-**

**N0ob:** You know that you can only open it from the inside right.

**Rubber:** Yes, I love the way I rigged it.

**Hollaback:** Okay….how 'bout this. To save time, we just stick Lupa with the military.

**Cast and authoress:** Agreed.

**Floop: -big announcer voice- **Okay people! Thanks for being such a good audience and pretending to listening for at least half the show! We hope to see you on the newest edition of the Surreal World now at a new time and channel! Saturdays at eight on channel 265!

**

* * *

**

**Futsutsuka:** Should we watch it?

**Tiffy Taffy:** Sure, we got nothing better to do I guess.

**Futsutsuka: -changes channel. Picture of the Ring comes on. Phone rings in the kitchen-**

**Tiffy:** I'll get it.

**

* * *

**

**Lupa: -stands at freezer door-** Come on Sparky! Please let me in! I'm starting to get the feeling that Rubber fed me bullshit.


	7. More?

**Hello, me again. Since I know no of any other way to contact you all, I must give you a false chapter alert. If you would all so kindly migrate over to my new little fic, Zombies Suck, it would be most appreciated. It is the sequel to this lovely little fic. You might even notice you have been featured in the new one. The only reason I do this is so I can say 'Ha! I completed at least one fic before I'm forced to eat cottage cheese.' So yes, read the sequel if you please. The chapter will be fairly short, but it's a fairly short fic.**


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